Monday, May 25, 2009
Going Away
I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow. I'll be away for about ten days, which feels like a lifetime in my anticipation. Once we go, it will be over in what feels like the space of a minute. Mom will be on her own, and she says she's looking forward to it. Even though she's staying home, it's like a vacation for her as well. Different people will be stopping by without the filter of Rosemary. She'll have the house to herself. She'll eat some of her favorite foods, like canned hash with an egg on top. I haven't made that lately:) When she sits in her small high back chair, I can hardly see her behind the tray that holds the small mountain of books she plans to read. Going away provides us with new experiences to share when we get back together. It will be like old times. I'll burst in the door when we arrive home, anxious to tell her all about our time in the city and at the beach, and she'll fill me in on all the news around home. Funny how going away is exciting but coming back home is the best of all.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Cages
Trapped.
There are worse cages then those that surround the body. The steel-trapped mind is one in which thought after thought runs up against a brick wall, negative sentences repeat, and answers loom as far away as the darkest reaches of the universe. How can we sever that electrical current that has a life of it's own --the one that has taken over our thought process and dragged our heart into the picture? The one that says, "Poor me. Life is so sad. No one understands me." I find that the only way to disconnect from this destructive thinking is to face the truth. "Yes, no one understands me--but for that matter, no one understands anyone, really." We all live in our unique, individual, and separate reality. The way to break out of this negative pattern is to reach out to others, not for understanding, but to connect. I find that anytime I ask someone, genuinely, "How are you?" and pause to really listen, I have severed that negative thought pattern by taking a new route. Anytime, I smile deeply into someone's eyes and receive a smile in return, I feel joy. And anytime, I grant a simple wish, or perform a small act of kindness, my mind calms down, and for a minute, I feel uplifted by connection. It's taken a long time, but waiting for others to "cheer me up" is not the answer. Pacing the floors of the cage only leads to more pacing. Opening the doors of the cage is up to me.
There are worse cages then those that surround the body. The steel-trapped mind is one in which thought after thought runs up against a brick wall, negative sentences repeat, and answers loom as far away as the darkest reaches of the universe. How can we sever that electrical current that has a life of it's own --the one that has taken over our thought process and dragged our heart into the picture? The one that says, "Poor me. Life is so sad. No one understands me." I find that the only way to disconnect from this destructive thinking is to face the truth. "Yes, no one understands me--but for that matter, no one understands anyone, really." We all live in our unique, individual, and separate reality. The way to break out of this negative pattern is to reach out to others, not for understanding, but to connect. I find that anytime I ask someone, genuinely, "How are you?" and pause to really listen, I have severed that negative thought pattern by taking a new route. Anytime, I smile deeply into someone's eyes and receive a smile in return, I feel joy. And anytime, I grant a simple wish, or perform a small act of kindness, my mind calms down, and for a minute, I feel uplifted by connection. It's taken a long time, but waiting for others to "cheer me up" is not the answer. Pacing the floors of the cage only leads to more pacing. Opening the doors of the cage is up to me.
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