Simplicity

Yesterday, as I sat on the beach, I remembered our family trips to the ocean when dad brought along the habachi. It was a tiny grill that somehow cooked enough food for eight people. Just remembering that grill made me smile. I recently saw a man tug an enormous gas grill on wheels that would not turn in the sand, onto the beach. His state-of-the-art contraption came complete with hanging utensils and a kitchen cabinet built in underneath! There were three whole people in his family to feed, and the baby was an infant--hardly able to down a juicy burger with the works. Oddly, this train of thought led to my mother and how simple her life has become. She has emptied and moved out of her large home on Long Island. She has given away most of her possessions. Somehow, as she gives things away, she becomes more full herself. Last weekend, she gave the Healey family nativity-the one she and my father received as a wedding gift- to my sister who is graduating with her Master's degree in Pastoral Care. This gift had special meaning. It was given in recognition of a journey about to begin --a birth. My mother nurtured this gift for over fifty years, and now she can rest assured that each Nativity piece will bring a new sense of renewal and joy to her own daughter as she begins a new path. I'm deeply grateful that my mother has had the opportunity to simplify her life on her own terms, by giving away beloved treasures to the people she loves more than life itself.

A wonderful resource

I have been remiss. After three weeks without a break, I spent two days in the outer banks of NC with my husband and feel like a new person. My mother also had a great time with my sister while I was gone. Getting away, even for a day, is very rejuvenating. I also discovered a website that has tons of great information and soothing tips.

http://www.caregiverrelief.com/biography.html

Recently, I had lunch with a friend who is making frequent trips to see her mother who has Lou Gehrig's disease. After talking about her visits and heartaches, she apologized then sent an apology email to me that said, "Thank you for putting up with my whining."

I told her not to worry--she's the only kind of friend I have time for anymore. No more talk of weather, outfits, and gossip--I want good real conversation, complete with raw emotions and honest opinions. A dear friend of mine told me years ago after losing her mother that she did not want friends that called her up to talk about other friends. She would only make time for people with meaningful lives, people that cared about other people and wanted to make life better for those they loved- she had no time for petty grievances. She made a lasting impact on me.

Here's to real friends, raw honesty, and listening to each other with good intentions.