Slowing Down

How do you deal with life when you feel like the disconnected period below a huge question mark? You're apart, hovering in the unknown, about to fall but you don’t; you stay put—floating in the middle of nowhere, frantic, yet unable to get anything done.

An inevitable part of caregiving is feeling yourself tugged by an emotional rope all the time. “I should be doing this, but I’m here doing my job—I should spend time with her, but I feel so depleted right now.” First of all, it’s normal to feel this way. Second, you can’t be in two places at once. Third, make a promise to yourself: when you are with your loved one in your caregiving role, you will be there joyfully, and your loved one will feel it. Number 3 is the most important, and you cannot achieve that level of caregiving unless you are healthy and recharged yourself.

Through my heavy caregiving years, I kept a stack of books on a table with a candle. When I felt really stressed, I reached for one of those books. They included: The Power of Now, The Joy of Laziness, and several other books with soothing, yet powerful messages that kept me grounded and calm. The Joy of Laziness, by Peter Axt, and Michaela Axt-Gadermann, proclaims, “Life is better slower.” I found this to be so true when caregiving. On the days I rushed around frantically, everyone around me sensed my nervousness and anxiety. But when I calmed myself down, the whole tempo of the house slowed down as well. Everyone could breathe easier, and we all had a better day.

When I was simply too tired or nerve-jangled to read, I lit the candle and stared at the flame. Somehow, it hypnotized me. I didn’t have to meditate or chant, or think, just watch the flame. A few minutes of zoning out straightened me out. (Just remember to blow out the candle before you run back upstairs to help someone!) And keep the peace, baby!