The Challenges & Gifts of Caregiving

 

I’ll be speaking at my church this Tuesday night on the Challenges and Gifts of Caregiving and focusing on many different issues. But the one that plagued me most as a caregiver was being too hard on myself with negative self-talk. My mind raced constantly and more often than necessary, it went to the what-ifs or the I can’ts.

Negative self-talk presents a huge problem to the caregiver and is detrimental to the person he or she cares for, because nothing positive comes out of self-doubt or self-loathing.  

The parallel gift to this challenge is the opportunity
to be more self-aware. Here's how, and it always works for me:

First notice that you are engaging in negative self-talk, and then redirect it. Imagine someone you know who loves you, and imagine what they would say to you if they heard your negative self-talk: Here’s an example of the voice I hear when I say to myself, “I cant’ do this.” In this scene in Learning by Accident, Hugh was still in the ICU.

Seeing my mother on the couch in her soft flowered robe, fingers wrapped around a mug of coffee in the morning, fills me with security. As a small child, I recited her full name with fascination: Julia Margaret Mary Flaherty Healey—the longest name in the world. Reflecting on her name I ask, “Didn’t Pop’s father used to call you, “My Jewel?”

“Yes,” she says smiling. “He was such a sentimental man.”

“Mom, I hope I can handle this,” I say to her. She covers my hand with her own. “I have no doubt you can handle it, Rosemary. You just have to go day by day. It’s not going to be easy, though. Dad and I are here if you need us.”

My parents are both gone now….Pop died in 2007 and my mother passed away just last year. She wanted desperately for me to publish my book and told me to self publish it if I had to. She believed in the story and she believed in me.

So when you find yourself questioning your own goodness, ability, or limits, reflect on those who love you and the way they see you, and listen to them in your heart, and believe them.

The Challenges & Gifts of Caregiving

A Free Event Open to the Public

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

7 pm - 9 pm

Church of the Epiphany

8000 Hermitage Road

Richmond, VA 23228