Caregiving often takes us where we don’t want to go. In a paper entitled “The Wrath of God” written by my sister, Mary O’Brien, for her Masters degree in Pastoral Care, she refers to a poignant quote by John Sanford from The Man Who Wrestled With God. His words hit home with me.
“To be forced to undergo a journey through the wilderness is an archetypal experience. Perhaps everyone who is called upon to a higher psychological development must undergo such a wilderness experience. There are many ways we are forced to undertake such a journey. People can be plunged in to a psychological wilderness, a dreadful time of doubt, anxiety, or depression and never leave their doorstep. Looked at purely clinically, the journey through the wilderness appears to be a sickness or breakdown; looked at spiritually, it may be an initiation or rite of passage we must undergo in order that a change in consciousness may be brought about. Egocentricity dies hard in most of us. Often only the pain of a wilderness journey can bring about the desired new attitude.”
These words jumped out at me as I thought about all three of my caregiving experiences. In each case, the person that was sick underwent a transformational change. As a witness to their journey, I too was transformed and taken through a rite of passage that produced a potent blend of fear, denial, anger, sorrow, joy, gratitude, and eventual peace. Sometimes the lessons learned through hardship are better learned earlier in life than later, as was the case with my husband’s sudden injury. Live for the day. Enjoy the moment. Don’t sweat the small stuff…clichés—that is, until you truly understand and live what these simple sentences mean. All these lessons have stuck with me and have greatly enriched my daily life. I’m grateful for having walked through the wilderness with such mentors as my husband, father and now my mother.
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